Just right y’all.
Every woman has mastered this. We are actually born with this skill.
You level up when you can do it with long sleeves
I was the only girl on an all-boys varsity soccer team. I had to change on the bus during away games because I didn’t have a locker room at other schools. I was not uncomfortable with that, actually. I did what I had to.
But one day I noticed that like three guys who were seniors were just staring at me as I did this and I must have shot them a dirty look because one of them (who is actually a family friend) was like “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to stare, but we’re still trying to figure out how the hell girls do that” and I just felt bad. They just want to get their girlfriend’s bra off without losing an eye and we can remove the whole thing like fucking wizards
i told my mom about this post and she went ‘wait, you can do it with long sleeves? um, i’ll be right back’
one time i got bored in class so i drank 3 bottles of water and when my teacher asked me what i was doing i told him i was trying to drown myself
so today it snowed for the first time this year and ive naturally been online all day and didnt know so i went to take out the garbage in bare feet and stepped in an inch snow and i just yelled "what the fUCK" and i just heard my neighbour in his backyard go “oh my god she’s outside”
dont you hate when you accidentally tie one shoe tighter than the other and you have to redo your entire life?
wow i really got around on the second day of school
i met her once and I’ve never smoked anything
…I don’t even drink alcohol
i’m a socially awkward virgin and i’m 99% sure that wasn’t gospel music
i don’t even have her number????????????
maybe there’s a third roommate only she can see.
A sense of humor can make everything better. Sex isn’t like it is in the movies or in porn. There will be strange and weird and awkward sounds, there might be a silly interruption like the cat or a kid… you might knock heads or trip getting undressed. Sex is funny, foreplay is funny and sometimes you need to just laugh. It will keep things from getting awkward! If you take sex too seriously you aren’t truly enjoying it!
Not to mention a sense of humor can be really sexy no matter what your gender identity is!
this comic is literally my favorite thing on tumblr.
i’ve always said if you can’t laugh with the person you’re having sex with while you’re having sex with them you shouldn’t be having sex with them.
My husband once walked up behind me while i was sitting in the living room just watching t.v…and he put his penis on my shoulder and said “hello..”
THIS WAS HIS SEDUCTION.
THIS WAS HIS IDEA OF HOW TO GET ME INTO BED.
it worked, but not before I laughed for days.
For that last comment.
I always had a ton of weird funky condoms at my place because I volunteered with Planned Parenthood and did a lot of sex education and sex positive work. I literally had no less than like thirty different types of condoms at a time. So when it came time to grabbing a condom it was a grab bag of WHO KNOWS what you’ll end up with.
Long story short, my boyfriend grabs one, puts it on, heat of the moment type thing, a some point we both look down and see it’s an ELECTRIC GREEN condom. Dead pan he looks me straight in the eye and in his best impression goes “HEY HO. KERMIT DEE FROG HERE.” And I COMPLETELY LOST IT.
On a completely different occasion I said “don’t stop” and he sang ALL of Don’t Stop Believing. All of it. All of it. Right then and there. Without stopping.
Can I add the story about how me and one of my partners had a very enthralling discussion about deserts while I was on top of him?
Or the time my partner’s friends blasted “Eye of the Tiger” through the door and we rocked it out to the beat while quoting the movie?
I was with this girl during a trip out to Washington, we’d hung out a few times, and hit it off really well. So we got together one afternoon. Her dorm-mate came home, saw the “Do Not Disturb” sock on her bedroom door and called out “Thrusters to full!”
Not missing a beat the girl and I yelled back “We’re giving it all we’ve got, Captain!” and her roommate started fucking dying outside the door.
Probably should have proposed right on the spot, but whatever.
It got better.
And this is what I’ll have missed out on when my life is done. Thank you very much. Can I fast forward, then?